Monster Creation

Back to the Abyss You Vile Beast!

Owing someone money is very straight forward. You borrow money from a person and you have to pay it back. We do this all the time. You borrow a dollar from a co-worker to buy a snack from the vending machine, or a friend offers to pay for your movie because you bought their ticket last time.  We learn this stuff in grade school.

Debt, on the other hand, can be a mysterious thing. Completely abstract at its best and utterly debilitating at its worst. Debt in its simplest terms is owing someone money, but the Evil Debt Overlord (E.D.O) manipulates the situation with very dark magic. All of a sudden there are strange and bizarre terms involved with the money being borrowed. The money you owe morphs and starts hurting your lively hood. It starts draining your life force (not to mention your money force… it’s a real term, honest) and soon you’re trapped it a web of deceit and pain.

That’s where monsters come in. We all know what to do with monsters. We Kill Em (unless, of course, they’re cute and cuddly. Then we shnuggle them. I digress). For many people debt is an undefinable entity shrouded in darkness. They conceptually know that they owe money to someone. However, they don’t understand the terms for borrowing that money and they can’t see the end of that debt. ,

If you create a monster out of that debt, and attribute your debt’s balance as the monsters health then you have a much better frame work to run with. It works even better when you change all your debts to monsters because you are able to evaluate which monsters are stronger! For instance, a level 5 monster might be your credit card with a balance of $500, and a level 30 monster might be your car loan with a balance of $25K.

Besides making debt payment funner, changing your debts to monsters also adds clarity to your financial world by truly simplifying everything. You have monster A with X hit points which will take y hits to kill. Can you do this with your debts without turning them into crazy monsters? Of course, but if you are struggling with your debts and/or living pay check to pay check then odds are you haven’t done this yet. Or you just might hate balancing your check book and this makes it more enjoyable!

The Metamorphosis

There are two different types of monsters. There are Bosses and there are Villains.

Bosses are your debts that you can pay off. They go away once you’ve paid them. Examples of Bosses would be credit cards, student loans and car loans. As well, any debt or bill that has been placed in collections is considered a Boss.

Villains are all your reoccurring bills for service or goods. Your rent, electric, cable and food bills are all part of the Villain family.

First we want to change our bills to some form of monster. Let’s take an example, your car payment. Say it out loud, “car payment”. It’s sooooooo boring! You can easily change that. Here is a list I brainstormed in 20 seconds

  • Giant Caripede – Like a giant centipede but with a ton of wheels.
  • Carophile – Gross, I know, and the ideas for it’s existence are worse. Clever, but at the end of the day I want to get in my car with out the association of getting in a Pedophile… blaaah!
  • Karkkan – It’s huge and emerges from the sea to destroy all.
  •  Carholder – Especially good if your car has a headlight out, or if you drive a motorcycle with one large circular headlight.
  • Carthulu – The God of Car Chaos.

In the end I choose Carthulu. I drew a little sketch of what Carthulu looks like and shenanigans like that.

Calculating Boss Stats: Next you need to give your monster stats. There are two main stats to concern yourself with when it comes to Bosses. The first is how much your minimum monthly bill is and the second is how much you owe in total. Let’s look at my Carthulu. When I was paying off the car I owed $235 a month and my total debt was $7,500.

Carthulu – 235/7500.

The first number is the minimum damage I have to do to Carthulu to keep it from attacking me. The second number is Carthulu’s total Hit Points. As you pay off the debt you can start reducing your Bosses hit points.

Calculating Villain Stats

Like Bosses there are two main stats that you need to concern yourself with. The first is the monthly bill you have to pay and the second is the amount of times you have to pay that bill. For instance, Carthulu’s minion is the monster I created for my Car Insurance. Here are the stats

Carthulu’s Minion – 115/12

I have to score 115 points of damage to Carthulu’s Minion and I have to attack it twelve times.

On the other hand I only have to hit the Blessed Undead Dragon (my life insurance policy) 4 times because my payments are quarterly.

Blessed Undead Dragon – $142/4

And that about covers Monster creation. Check out the video below and watch how a I create monsters from scratch. Also there are a of extra “secrets” at the end of the video to help you in your campaign.

Are you still having trouble young slayer? Do you feel like you need extra training. Well never fear! Head on over to the Advanced Tactics Course and learn how to Slay your debt with ease.


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