Oh the blood. Thers’s so much BLOOD!
“How the f*&k do I stop my bank account from bleeding out!
I’ve tried staunching the flow with more money but that
only makes it bleed faster. And why, please tell me, are
all my creditors hovering over us with sippy straws in
their hands?!? NO Goddammit! I won’t let you die bank
account. Don’t go to the light. Live you bastard, LIVE!!!”
The Evil Debt Overlord
The Evil Debt Overlord (E.D.O) is a bitch! No seriously, but
the question is who, or what is the E.D.O? The E.D.O. is an
expression of all the evil that is your debt. It’s a way of
personifying your debt so you can mentally grasp it by its
shitty throat and wrangle it like a rag doll in a puppies mouth!
The E.D.O is your arch-nemesis and has only one purpose, to
enslave you! Let’s face it, the E.D.O does an amazing job of
this, but how exactly does the E.D.O enslave you in the first
It’s pretty simple really. The E.D.O uses magic to confound you
to spend your money in ways that are to your determent. Once it
has succeed and you have taken the bait the E.D.O uses even more
arcane magic to keep you ensnared in its trap.
Here is an example.
The E.D.O creates a devilish monster through the dark arts called
a”Credit Card” (Also know as Cregion the credit card legion…for
they are many. Cregion bio will be released through the
newsletter, so sign up!). The E.D.O spins a web of influence
around this arcane beast fooling you to believe that the beast is
actually a cute and cuddle creature. But before you know it the
“Credit Card” has sunk it’s venomous teeth into your neck and is
sucking the life force outta ya!
In simpler terms, you acquire a credit card and an interest rate of
2.5%. It’s a promotional deal and it seems insanely good. However,
in six months time you have acrued an addtional $179.94 in monthly
service fees and your interest rate sky rockets to 24.5% without a
warning. You obliviously pay the monthly charges and increased
interest rate without knowing it happened in the first place. Some,
including the credit card companies, would argue that it’s the
consumer’s fault for not reading through their contracts and monthly
statements, but I argue against those people. I share my points of
view in my newsletter.
The Evil Debt Overlord Quantified.
As stated earlier the E.D.O is conceptual representation of all your
debts. These debts are the E.D.O’s minions and they all serve his
one purpose, to make sure you are always working for him ( or her.
Sources are unclear on the gender of the E.D.O. Some speculate that
the E.D.O is atomically correct, like a barber doll or those angles
from Dogma, because it is the most evil thing to have ever have
existed. Like Angles…). These minions will do anything to make
sure the E.D.O’s plans remain on track. They will lie to you; they
will promise you the world in large print while enslaving you in small
print. The E.D.O is the Dr. Claw of your financial world. It’s has
never been seen by any humans.
To figure out the E.D.O’s hit points simply add up all the debts you
owe. This can include the $20 bucks you borrowed from your friend to
buy a six pack of beer last night. A great place to start is with your
credit report. You can easily get this information for free from
websites like freecreditreport.com. In two column format write out all
your debts on a piece of paper and the amount you owe. Add up all the
debts and at the buttom write out the total next to the name Evil Debt
Overlord (or E.D.O, shit head or any other title you wish to ascribe
to your total debt).
You now know how much damage you have to deal out to stop the E.D.O’s
influence on your money.
Car Loan = $ 12,692.21
Student Loans = $ 24,685.00
Captial One Card = $ 800.00
Visa Card = $ 1,200.00
Computer Loan = $ 652.21
E.D.O hit points = 40,029.42
Wander on over to the character creation tab for the next bit!